Finding Authentic Happiness Part 3: What are Beliefs?

Welcome to Part 3 of Finding Authentic Happiness.

In Part 2, I explained to you what authentic happiness is, and showed you the fastest way to feel happy. Also, I showed you some obstacles that keep us from experiencing the lasting change that will enable us to feel happy most of the time.

In this part, I will show what beliefs are, how we form beliefs, and how beliefs impact our emotional state.


So, what are beliefs?

Beliefs are feelings of confidence and certainty that something is true.


How are beliefs formed?

To answer this question, I would like to describe the dynamics of how a belief is formed.

1) First we have a thought. And the thought could be about anything. Thoughts are the basic building blocks in forming ideas. Whether or not the ideas that come to our mind become beliefs depend on whether or not we attach some meaning to these ideas.

2) If we attach meanings to these ideas, we will be doing this either consciously or unconsciously. And the meanings that we attach to them can be based on past experience, or some information that we get from others, or from our own imagination.

3) Then if we start to believe in any of these bases or references then we have formed a belief.

Two things to note here about the bases and references in forming a belief:

a) The first one to note is that each one of these basis can either be real or illusionary.

b) The other thing to note is that once we have formed the belief, we normally DON'T QUESTION IT ANYMORE. The belief then becomes the automatic guideline for our actions and for how we react emotionally.

So, supposing you are working for an ad agency, and you have this thought that leads to the IDEA that MALE MODELS are as good for automobile ads as FEMALE MODELS are. And since male models are generally paid much less than female models, you think that this is your golden opportunity to impress your boss. In your enthusiasm, you ACCEPTED this IDEA to be TRUE. It then becomes a belief.

Once it becomes a belief, you DON'T QUESTION it anymore. This belief then makes you FEEL CONFIDENT and then it PROPELS you to take ACTION, like making a commercial, believing that this will make your boss think that you are a creative genius.

AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THE COMPARISON, NO MATTER HOW MUCH BELIEF YOU PUT IN SOMETHING FALSE, IT WILL NEVER WORK OUT.

So, if you are generally unhappy, you can see from the above discussion and illustration that your thoughts are not the problem, as many self-help mentors would want you to believe. Majority of them will tell you to just change your thoughts and/or do affirmations.

Now I am not saying that such techniques may not help. But if ever they help, it will only be temporary. For such approaches are not extensive enough to provide the lasting change that you are seeking.

In my experience, when I tried these approaches and the change that I wanted did not last, then I started thinking that I might not have been dedicated enough. I was criticizing myself, and in doing so, I only added more reason to be depressed or unhappy. It took me a long while before I realized that the problem was not my dedication, but the methods themselves.

Allow me to explain this more fully, for this is really important. If, for example, you are nervous before an interview, self-help mentors normally suggest that you just say, repeatedly to yourself, "I am confident", or any equivalent. And you are to continue repeating, or even shouting, this to yourself, until you feel confident.

The problem with this approach is that you normally find that what you are saying as NOT true. You even might find yourself as lying to yourself. You see, you may have changed your thoughts, or what you say to yourself. But deep inside, you may still have beliefs that ACTUALLY say that you are not good enough to pass the interview. You have not worked on the real problem, which is that you still believe that you are inadequate, or some other candidate is better than you.

The most important thing to do therefore, in changing your emotional state, is to dismantle your beliefs that make you feel unpleasant emotions.

CAN TRUTH EVER BE RELATIVE?

Too many people say, it doesn't matter whether what they believe in is TRUE. If it works for them, even if it doesn't work for you, then it is what is "true for them".

A classic example is people believing that they are always right. You know why they hold on to this belief? For it makes them feel good about themselves. And indeed it does. That's why this kind of belief is so hard to let go of. It makes them think that they are superior to other people.

But sooner or later, other people will start avoiding them and calling them names like "Ms. Know-it-All" or "Mr. Right". The "always right" people will then start feeling lousy about themselves. For how can anybody be happy if nobody wants to talk with them and they are being called with unpleasant names? Truth has caught up with them. That's the power of TRUTH.

That is why if you really want to be happy, examine your beliefs and see how truthful they are. You might be surprised with what you will find out.

People prefer to believe what they prefer to be true.

25 divided by 5 = 5, right? RIGHT!
But some people believe that 25 divided by 5 =14. And this is what is true for them.

This may be an exaggerated example, but watch it. It's very funny.



Now that you have seen why it's not the thoughts that matter, but the beliefs that you hold, that determine your emotional state, let's go to Part 4.

Finding Authentic Happiness Part 2: What is Authentic Happiness?

Welcome to Part 2 of my Step-by-Step Series on how to find authentic happiness. In Part 1, I gave you a glimpse of my history, my credentials, and my motivation for trying to share my formula for finding authentic happiness.


In this part, I will give you a clear idea of what authentic happiness is. And I will give you the BEST and QUICKEST way to find it.

So let's get on with finding authentic happiness


So, what is happiness? Happiness is a state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joyfulness and pleasure.

What is authentic happiness? It is that kind of happiness that is not dependent on anything but you, and ultimately God.

How does one become authentically happy? Well, that is a really long topic to discuss. Especially since nobody ever taught us, when we were children, how to be happy. And when we went to school, there were never any classes on "How to be happy." Also now entire books have been written about it, so you can imagine how long this topic is.

But there is a very quick way to experiencing authentic happiness. Anybody can become happy simply by LOVING. But isn't that too simple? Yes, indeed, it is as simple as that. But as simple as it is, it is not that easy.

Say that again? Nah, you can read that line again. Just read on, and you'll see what I mean.

What I am about to say has something to do with my faith. But I am inviting my non-Christian readers to read on and see what I am trying to say.

Let us consider what St. John said in order to better understand why by simply loving, anyone can experience happiness. "He who lives in love, lives in God, and God lives in Him." This is no ordinary phrase. This is a DIVINE REVELATION. That means that there is no human being who could have possibly discovered this. For who can know what is in the mind of God?

What does this Divine Revelation have to do with finding authentic happiness? Well, since we all know that, among other things, that God is PERFECTLY happy, then if we live in love, and if God lives in us, doesn't it LOGICALLY follow that we share in His happiness, or that we become happy?

Have you noticed that when you are in love, everything just seems to look wonderful, and you feel happy? Whenever you express love for anybody, for yourself, or even for anything, don't you feel happy? You know, by experience, that the answer to these questions is YES.

Not yet convinced? Okay, do this little exercise. Say ANY OR ALL OF THESE to yourself, "Oh I just love myself, my life, the people around me, the trees, the leaves, the grass, the flowers, the sky, the heat or the coolness of the weather, the sounds I hear, etc.".

Whether you express your love for one, a few, or all that you see, hear, and all that you can think of, the important thing is that YOU HAVE TO REALLY FEEL THAT LOVE FLOWING FROM YOU to whatever or whoever it is you are sending your love to. Notice how you feel. Tell me if that little exercise didn't make you experience even the slightest happiness. Simple? YES! Easy? NO!

You see, we are not used to expressing love. Due mainly to our fallen human nature, to social conditioning, and to many other factors, expressing love is hardly a habit that we normally have. Instead, we have the habit of expressing emotions that are based in fear, or even fear itself.

So how do you establish a habit of loving? It's not a big secret. PRACTICE it as often as you can. Here, I must admit I am a bit over-simplifying. For we have been conditioned to be so self-centered, and so critical of both ourselves and of others, that expressing love for everything is not as easy as you would like it to be.

You see, all of us have beliefs and convictions in our mind, most of which are unconscious, that prevent us from expressing love.

For example, you are looking at a crowd, and you practice this exercise of expressing love for all the people in that crowd. But suddenly, you recognize somebody whom you do not like. Is it easy for you to continue loving all, without exceptions? I doubt it.

Or, for example you are just driving around, and expressing love to everything that you see, saying to yourself something like, "Oohh, I just love life at it is, etc., etc." Then you get stuck in heavy traffic. Can you still continue to LOVE LIFE as it is?" Or does your emotion suddenly turn into something like frustration?

Observe how your emotions shift from positive to negative, to positive again, so on and so forth, in any given day. Journal all your emotions as they shift from one kind of emotion to another. And write each emotion, big and small, and the REASONS that triggered your experience of each one. You'll notice how plentiful they are, just in one day. By the way, keep those journal notes. You will be needing them soon.

Does your emotional state have to be that unstable? No, it doesn't have to be that way at all. But only if you MAKE A COMMITMENT to do the work that will enable you to have MASTERY over your emotions. Don't worry, it is not hard work.

The method that I discovered, after over 20 years of researching, has worked for me. And I believe it will work for you too. Hey, you may have problems with being consistently happy, but unlike me, you didn't have to work against depression for over 20 years.

But, again, it will only work if you have a strong desire to want authentic happiness. I want you to finally admit to yourself that chasing after worldly things and pleasures can never give you the authentic happiness that I know you deeply desire.

Before you misunderstand me, I am not asking you to stop enjoying the world's pleasures -- although it would be wise to practice moderation. What I want is for you to stop believing that they will give you authentic happiness.

But if you have read this far, chances are you are well aware of the fact that external events and things can only MAKE YOU COMFORTABLE, excited, or even happy. But only for a while.

Then, you will have to buy something else, or find another fun activity, in order to experience the "happiness" that you are looking for. In the process, you get more and more frustrated. Not to forget that you will have to work harder in order to afford all the fun activities and shopping spree.

It becomes really tiresome and even meaningless, after a while.


So, if you want to be able to take control, and, even eventually have mastery of your emotions, then read Part 3: What are Beliefs.

Finding Authentic Happiness

Introduction

Welcome to Part 1 of my Step-by-Step Series on how to find authentic happiness.

In this part, I will give you a glimpse of my history and my credentials. These two will both show you my motivation for wanting to share this to everybody for free. It is my hope that this series will help everyone who is depressed or even just unhappy, to realize that there is great hope in finally overcoming their challenges and finally make lasting change towards mastering their emotions.

What motivated me to search for authentic happiness? i.e. my background and credentials

There were principally three reasons that motivated me to do all the research.

1) The first one was the fact that I was going in and out of depression since about 30 years ago. And at that time, in the later part of the 70's, there were not too many medications nor well-developed therapies that were specific for depression.

Anybody who has gone through depression knows how awful it is. Victims feel so bad that many of them even try to kill themselves. Thank God He spared me of such kinds of thoughts. If you know someone who has depression, NEVER take it lightly.

Since they feel so down and not interested in doing anything -- NOT even the activities that they used to enjoy before -- then getting them to seek professional help will be a big challenge to you. But you have to be creative in finding ways to convince them to see a psychotherapist. The earlier it is treated, the better the chances of eliminating the depression.

Another thing, never say "IT'S ONLY IN YOUR MIND". And never CRITICIZE them for their behavior. You will just make them feel more depressed.

2) Secondly, I was not really particularly excited about the medications that were available then, since the side effects were such that I would rather have the depression and deal with it, than deal with the side-effects of the medications.

3) Finally, I felt that the psychotherapists whom my parents sent me to, were almost as "CLUELESS" as I was as to how to treat my depression attacks. They seem to content themselves with experimenting with different medications and therapies.

One in particular, was more like PSYCHO-THE-RAPIST, than a PSYCHOTHERAPIST. It was obvious that he was just after the money than anything else. HE PROBABLY WAS THE MOST CLUELESS OF THEM ALL.

Think about it. All the psychotherapists whom I was seeing then, were using me as their guinea pig for depression medication. And I had to PAY THEM FOR IT? How fair is that? I had to buy the medicines, and then I had to suffer from the side effects. Shouldn't they have been paying me, instead of me paying them?

Victims in the 90's and beyond are "more fortunate" than the ones who experienced depression earlier. For there have been many significant breakthroughs in the research and the development of many classes of medications to fight depression. There are also several therapies now available to fight this disorder. There are even herbal as well as homeopathic alternatives that have been found to be effective in fighting depressions.

But by then, I did not have any use for any of them anymore. For I was well in the way of getting much better, by applying all the knowledge that I have been learning.

But before I got to that stage of recovery from depression, it was one EXTREMELY TOUGH battle. It even got so bad that I even had to quit school twice, thereby losing my full academic scholarships from very prestigious schools. And I even got into drugs and alcohol, thinking they will help. Which they didn't.

So, I decided that, since our kind God has gifted me with well above average intelligence, and a passion for reading anything and everything, it was best to do the research myself. That started my long journey of searching for the way to help myself overcome depression and also to find a way to stay authentically happy.

I read every self-help book that I could get my hands on. And while reading them, I chose only to take notes of what made sense to me.

In a way, my being a victim of depression was a BLESSING IN DISGUISE. For it gave me an ADVANTAGE over the psychiatrists, psychologists, and self-help book authors.

I knew from ACTUAL EXPERIENCE what materials made me feel good, REGARDLESS OF HOW SMALL the positive effect was. The psychiatrists, psychologists. and authors did not have that advantage. They were ALL looking at it ONLY from a clinical and theoretical and point of view.

And don't disregard the monetary motivations, i.e., the longer they have you as a patient, the more money they can make from you. But, to be fair, not all psychotherapists are like that.

Anyway, I strongly believed, even at that time, that each self-help book author has discovered certain truths that the others didn't, and vice versa. My advantage was that my own disorder served as a FILTER.

And so, I would like to believe that my method, which I will FREELY SHARE with you, is an effective compilation of the BEST discoveries of all the materials concerning this topic.

What about my credentials?

But you may ask, "Are you saying that your experiences and your years of self-directed research, constitute your CREDENTIALS?" The answer to that is obviously YES!

I know what you may be thinking. But hey, consider Tony Robbins. He also did not have any formal academic training in helping people find happiness. What he did was read hundreds and hundreds of books, and then combined all the knowledge he learned. His methods seem to work on a lot of people. NOT ALL, but still a lot. Hasn't his work make him a media star?

Let me put it in another way.Just supposing there is another Civil War (God forbid) in the U.S. And as an ordinary soldier, you are getting conflicting orders from:

1) Lt. Sylvester "Rambo" Stallone,

2) from Lt. Mel "Lethal Weapon" Gibson,

3) from a Lieutenant who, after graduating Summa Cum Laude from Westpoint, works as an aide of a General,

4) and from another Lieutenant, who did not graduate with honors, but has gone through several wars, and has several medals to show for it.

Whose orders will you follow, if you are to carry them out yourself, and engage the enemy?

If you value your safety, then the answer is obvious.

My writing about my approach to free myself from depression and to experience authentic happiness, is my way of thanking God for showing me the way.

I also would like to help, as much as I can, all who have depression, which number in the hundreds of millions worldwide, and even the normal, but not authentically people, which means almost everybody (?).

Now that you know my background and credentials, let's get on to the steps in finding authentic happiness in Part 2.